Saturday, February 14, 2009

It's half past 2 in the morning and I am on my 3rd coffee. I am off to germany in 10 minutes and it is a 10-hour-drive, but I wasn't able to sleep last night (too scared I might oversleep and miss the ferry). I hope the crossing isn't too rough, the shipping report didn't sound too promising (wind strength 4-5 with occasional gales of up to 7). BF assured me that this is not a smooth crossing. Yikes.

We have made up. I couldn't keep the snooping to myself and confronted him as soon as he woke up. He apologized and we had a long talk. I hope he meant it, all I have is his word, but I think he realized what he would be risking. He has been good since then. While we are away he will give up smoking, glad we are 600miles away. We should escape the worst of the grumpyness.

Maybe I will try as well. Parents are very forgiving ;-)

Looking forward to being spoilt by my parents for a week, will write when I come back (yummy german food and beer YAY)

Have fun soaping (my parents are getting a year's supply of my first soaps, lol)


Sunday, February 08, 2009

Men - they should all be shot to the moon for a leper colony....but that would be an insult to Lepers.

Everythig seemed to go fine after BF moved back in. We are no longer arguing and are making a real effort to get along. He is talking babies and getting married. The drinking is still a problem, but he keeps it to the evenings now and he has finally admitted he has a problem, which I guess is the first step. He rarely gets nasty now when he drinks, so I can cope, although it's annoying.

So what's the problem ? While we were apart he met another woman. Not really a big deal as such, we did split up after all. But she is still calling him and he is still calling her back. Last night she called while we were on the sofa. He said she just doesn't give up and answered the call. After a while he left the room and closed the door to talk to her. Thats when I became suspsicious. It seemed wrong. If he has got nothing to hide, why can't he talk to her in front of me ?

I asked him about her and he said he just met her in a pub and they got chatting and she has been calling him ever since. She is married and he doesn't want anything from her, just likes talking to her. He didn't come to bed last night and when I got up this morning, his phone was out on the charger. I couldn't help myself, I had to look. Checked his text messages and there is was, in black and white. He texted her that he fancies her rotten and that he needs to know that she feels the same.

I can't believe it. The lying b*****. Now I don't know what to do. I can't really admit that I have seen the text, but also I can't let this go. I know he was drunk at the time, but thats no excuse.
I am hurt....

If I were Boy
I think I could understand
how it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cuz I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cuz he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

Its a little too late for you to come back
its just a mistake to think I'd forgive you like that
if you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong

Beyonce, Just a boy