Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sigh. Last night I had the usual phone call again. Phone rings in the middle of night and the boyfriend asks to be picked up, right now. But last night was the first time I said no. I just couldn't do it anymore. Maybe it would have been different if he was at his dad's, as that's only a 40 min drive from here. But he is at his mum's and that's a 8 hour round trip and I am broke and just cannot justify £60 worth of petrol at the moment just to help him run away from his responsibilities again. Leave alone that I don't have 8 hours spare 1 week before xmas. I love him to bits, but it was going too far. He went mad at me, saying that I don't care about him and that I don't think that he is important, but his blackmailing no longer works. It didn't help that he was drunk and scared, but it just makes me feel used and thats not good. I told him I ring him back today at 2pm and if he still feels the same I get him a train ticket. He rang this morning an apologized for calling, but of course not for trying to blackmail me again. I don't mind him calling, it's the fact that he thinks I can drop everything to get him out of a pickle and that he keeps running away from things which drive me mad. He says he loves me, but I am starting to wonder if he just loves the fact that every time he says "jump" I ask how high. It would have been nice to be able to be with him and give him a big hug and just try and help him get through a tough time, but I have to be at work tomorrow and as I said, I just don't have £60 sapre right now, so he will just have to make do with mummy.

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Mama Cass - Dream a little dream of me

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